She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And then he peed in my hair
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