Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
