I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
