he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
