she was so not down for the gang bang
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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