And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
