well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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