he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
