Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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