i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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