I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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