I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
