i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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