Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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