How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
