Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
