I'm lost and stupid without you.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love having hate sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
