I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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