well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
