You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
