Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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