and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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