I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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