Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am mentally ready for anal.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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