suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
