Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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