I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
