I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
jump out the window naked night went bad
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
