..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My hand turned me down
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
