I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
