between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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