I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
