In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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