Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
