I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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