so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
