Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
