It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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