gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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