we made out on top of his cat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
