They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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