Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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