you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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