Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
