So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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