New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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