He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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