i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
