Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You made out with two different species that night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
