I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
