I want to have your abortion
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
