im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
