don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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