And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize