the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
