It's just like the Real World with babies
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
