You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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