help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
