Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
