I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
