I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
