once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
