I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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