Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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