At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
