Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
