dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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