Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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