is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
