You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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