Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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