Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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