Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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