she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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