I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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