tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
