I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
