If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
