Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
