Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
