i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
