listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
