Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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