Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The adults are the big ones right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize