My cat gives me a boner
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
