I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
