i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
