My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
