it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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